Oh, these tips about Finland dating -wise are pure gold if you have a crush on a Finnish man or woman and don’t know how to proceed!
As a Finnish woman, I am so happy to help my readers to understand Finnish culture and what to expect. There is always room for more love!
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Looking for more information about Finnish culture and dating? Check out these posts:
Finland Dating Culture: From A to L
Anticipation. If you haven’t already googled, stalked on Instagram or spied on Facebook, cancel the date and let a Finn out of his/her misery. You are not that into us. It is not nice to play with food. Bridezilla. There is a 90% chance you will get a bridezilla if you plan to marry a Finnish woman. Unfortunately, there is no way of pointing out the 10% which are not before you kneel down. There is a 100% chance you will be a bridezilla if you marry a Finnish man. Cuddles. There are no restrictions on PDA in Finland. That’s most likely because they are so rare. We show very little physical (and verbal) proofs of our love. However, we are still totally smitten with you! Darkness. We are a bit somber. Best way to check the level of our darkness is to ask about our music taste. If the reply includes bands like Stratovarius, Sonata Arctica, and Nightwish, prepare for a Finnish metal heart. Effective dating. Finns tend to date only one person at a time. If you are dating several people and keeping your options open, please don’t let us know and keep it super casual with us. Or even better, just don’t do that at all to a Finn. Flirt. How to flirt with a Finn? It’s really simple. Smile and make eye contact. Proceed to asking her/his name. That’s it! Gig or movie. A good place for the first date with a Finn. Reason for that in the letter M (as in Muteness). House. The ultimate love testimony of a Finn is when he/she starts building a house for his/her family. You can also count any massive renovation as a love testimony. Unfortunately, this also leads to the ultimate amount of fights. Inferno. Dating inferno for a Finn is when some old relatives ask relationship status in front of a large group of people. Jester. See Jester on a second date if the first date was not downright awful. Talkative Finns (rare but they exist) might use jokes to hide insecurity. You can find a prince behind this mask. Kulta. The most common way to say Dear in Finnish. We are quite creative with nicknames so your sweetheart can come up with a much more personal name for you. Late. Finns are very clock-aware. If we are running late more than 5 minutes late, we let the other person know. Not whatsupping sorry and new time slot for arrival is rude!
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Okay, let’s dive into the other half of alphabets!
Finland Dating Culture: From M to Z
Muteness. We Finns are at no point in our lives taught to small talk! Check this post for details. If a Finn is quiet, that doesn’t mean anything negative. Quite the opposite, most likely he/she is comfortable with you. Try wine, tequila or absinthe, if the situation is desperate.
Nibbling. It is a very positive sign. It means that a Finn is utterly relaxed with you. Particularly we women just love to try out food on another person’s plate. Accept it or be ready to fight for your right to have all the food on your plate. If you have a Finnish man-nibbler, set clear rules to how much you want to eat. If you don’t, your food (especially candies) may disappear within seconds.
Oneway openness. What is funny is that Finns rarely ask you questions when they are getting to know you. On the other hand, if you ask us anything (no matter how difficult or straight the question it might be), you always get an honest answer without blinking an eye.
Politeness. This is kit mint to Finns as we have no please in our language. When you are normal, we think you are flirting with us. Personally, as a 16-year old au pair in the UK, I thought the whole town loved me because of those darlings and sweethearts at the end of the sentences.
Qwerty. Your Finn may be a nerd. That’s okay; we are cute and useful. Just make sure that computer games aren’t a passion because then they, for sure, spend a lot of time with Xbox, PlayStation or World of Warcraft. On the other hand, that’s me-time to you!
Road trip. Finland is a long country so we are used to distances and driving. Pack snacks, good music and take your sweetie up north or to the coastline. We will love it.
Soulmate. In case you were wondering: having a soulmate feels like riding a cotton candy unicorn, being a top-class brain surgeon and saving the world from all worries at the same time.
Tab. We can go 50/50, but you are not a gentleman if you are not paying.
Upset. With us women, it is so damn easy. You can read it from our face with a neon sign. With a Finnish guy, that poker face takes months to decipher.
Voice. If you are in a relationship or dating a Finn, you really need to hear his/her voice and preferably see the face too. This is the modern age! Sending messages is not a relationship.
Whatsupping. If she/he is regularly not answering your messages even though she/he has read them and replies later or not all of them, move on. I’m so sorry. Most likely, he/she isn’t that into you but doesn’t say it out loud, which is stupid and immature.
Ex – Girlfriends & Boyfriends. You can ask about them but don’t let them be the subject for too long. Usually, people briefly talk around these subjects on a first date (How long has your longest relationship been? How long have you been single?).
Young. You do not ask a woman’s age in Finland if you are a man. Never. Ever. Full stop.
Zone. We Finns have a need of circular personal space about 1-1,5 meter in radius. Step inside it unwanted and a Finn will step backward accordingly. This is nothing personal. It just takes time to make it to our comfort zone. When you’re in it, you stay there forever.
And it’s a wrap! That is Finland dating culture 101!
BONUS: Long Distance Dating Tips
Even if you are not together physically for a portion of your relationship, most of these characteristics will still apply to dating a Finn. Long distance relationships are hard, and often need a tiny spark to keep it alive.
My friend Jasmin has created incredible virtual date night packages to help couples in long distant relationships. I have been in a long distant relationship in the past and a solution like this would have worked wonders for us.
Keep in mind that when you suggest this to your Finnish partner that, culturally, they may not be accustomed to a scheduled or creative date. Encourage them to keep an open mind and enjoy a new type of romance during your virtual date night.
If there is anything you would like to know beyond these essential alphabets, just write me a message or comment below!
Looking for more information about Finnish culture and dating? Check out these posts:
Warm wishes from Finland,
Varpu
After this quick cultural class, you’ll know…
- Why feeling connected with the Finnish lifestyle is easier than you think
- "The Hedgehog" template that makes it super comfortable to start a conversation
- The one question that will confuse both you and the Finns
- How to blend in with the Finnish culture, not that you have to fit in
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Hello there!
I’m Varpu. One blonde,
travel-loving,
Finnish engineer driving this site.
Your article is very helpful for Finland dating guide I always following your advice and I do bookmark your article.
I also have a site on your topic where I write about relationships, dating and marriage. You can visit my site if you want. Then the advice of the two of you will be a good guideline.
Hei there, yay, thank you so much for the feedback. I really appreciate it!
Näin suomalaisena näiden ohjeiden lukeminen on erittäin hauskaa 😀
Moikka! Kiitos paljon kommentista! Tosi kiva kuulla!
Hi, Varpu.
I read your blog lately and like the articles you wrote. Especially, bout the Finnish guy.
My Finnish guy, stop answering my messages this week. It never happen before. We used to have small talks (yes.. small talk)
Should I be worried?
Anyway, Happy belated Independence Day!
With a Finn, you can always ask and speak openly and you will get an honest answer. Messages don’t need to be replied to immediately in Finland but of course, a long delay multiple times is not great behavior. Hope this helps!
Hei! I’m dating beautiful Finn woman and we’ve been out twice. We didn’t chat during the time before the first or second date and we now have plans for a 3rd in a week. Is it normal to just not chat when you already have plans? I’ve read and heard that Fins can be a little quiet and some foreigners must initiate most of the conversation – texting as well? Also – is it weird to ask a woman if she’d like a kiss for the first time? I wound up doing that as I could not really get a feel for how she felt. It was accepted but felt a little awkward for me. Faux pas?
Hi! I hope everything is going well with your dates! I can only give general tips about what tends to be normal in Finland, so please don’t take my words as advice for your situation because it’s impossible for me to comment on that in detail as I don’t know you guys. I would hate myself if my tips would point you in the wrong direction.
I’d say there’s texting in most relationships. Finns can reply shortly and sometimes forget to reply. When my friends and I are whatsupping, someone always forgets to reply and it takes days until you’ll hear from them. It’s quite normal, I would say.
Generally, it’s good to initiate most of the conversation when it comes to Finns, yes. Kissing – you can definitely kiss without asking or ask if you can kiss. No rules for this. 🙂
I have just started dating A Finnish lady,she is magnificent and the majority if your article is spot on at first one feels as if they have gone down a rabbit hole,into a new world dimension but I say this,the richness and meaning one finds in silence rather than small talk is striking.I find her enchanting,genuine and she has bucket loads if SISU.
Hei Neil! Wow, the cutest comment ever. Thank you for sharing. Best of luck & lots of love to you guys!
Many thanks for this because i’m traveling to Finland this next week and for a month, so anything is helpful in how to be correct in the social Finnish skills.
Hei Pablo! Thank you for your lovely comment here too! Let me know if you have anything. I hope you will have an awesome time! 🙂
Finn’s man is surprisingly amazing
Hei Caroline, thank you for commenting! Yes, they are awesome!:D <3
Love Finnish Women and cherish them. Want to settle down and feel peace.
As i browse through google my eye fall on the map of Finland and i fall in love instantly, as i continue to search i got the Finland Starter kit and i love it
Thank you Menesia! I’m so happy to hear that you liked the Starter Kit!
So Finns are terrified of ever traveling to China, since there’s a no personal space policy there…. poor little buggas….
I wonder what they think of us Aussies?
Why do they love Metal so much? Not that that’s a bad thing…..
Why do Finnish women seem to be more outdoors and get your hands dirty then Aussie women???
Why is fuel so dam expensive?
Hei Adam, thanks for your comment. I’ll try to give you my personal opinions.
Finns like Aussies for sure. For many Finns, Australia is a dream bucket list destination. And all the Finns who have visited have praised Australia. I hope to visit one day, too.
I’m afraid I don’t know the answer to the metal music question. Maybe it touches our hearts or, to be precise, the hearts of the Finnish men. It’s more a guy thing.
Finnish women are very outdoorsy but I cannot make any comparisons to Aussie ladies. In general, Finns have a close connection to nature and forests.
I feel that fuel is at similar prices in many other countries too?
Hi,
What about foreign people with different culture? can you Finns, usually, feel comfortable with them?
Kind Regards
Hei Hamid!
Yes, I do think so. There are no rules who you should date (Finn/non-Finn) in the Finnish culture!
Aw snap, according to this I’ve missed two chances to start a talk (ladies made eye contact and smiled at me). Nevermind, still had a good trip to HEL. 🙂
Really helpful, I’m trying to ask a Finnish guy on a date and am getting tips
Thank you so much!
I’m fond of Finland culture and very glad to discover your blog. Thanks for sharing everything relating to Finland.
#Whatsupping, in this case, how should I react? Just let him go without leaving message anymore?